Grief is not a straight line: navigating loss with compassion
Grief is one of the most human experiences we go through, and yet, it can leave us feeling completely untethered. Whether you are grieving a person, a relationship, a pet, a life transition, or a part of yourself, the pain is real. And contrary to what many of us were taught, grief doesn't follow a tidy, predictable path.
The Truth About the “Stages of Grief”
You might be familiar with the five or seven stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance (sometimes shock and guilt are included). These were originally meant to describe what people go through when facing their own death, not necessarily the grief that follows the loss of someone or something else.
Over time, the model has been applied to many forms of grief. While the emotions it names are valid, the idea that we move through them in a straight line doesn't match what most people experience. Grief loops. It lingers. It softens, then swells again. You might feel moments of peace, only to find yourself unexpectedly overwhelmed in the middle of the day. That does not mean you are doing it wrong. It means you are grieving.
There Is No Right Way to Grieve
Some people cry. Some go numb. Some feel restless or disconnected. Some find themselves forgetting for a little while, then feel guilty when they remember. All of these are normal responses. You may feel like you are falling apart. You may feel nothing at all. Grief often swings between emotional overwhelm and emotional absence. That, too, is part of the process. Grief also has a way of stirring up old losses, unfinished goodbyes, or wounds we thought we had already tended to. This does not mean you are regressing. It means your system is trying to make sense of the weight it is carrying.
You are not behind. You are not broken. You are grieving.
Grief Lives in the Body
You might notice exhaustion, tension, digestive changes, or difficulty sleeping. Your body is holding what your heart cannot yet name. Grief is not just an emotional experience; it is a physiological one. This is why it can help to support your nervous system in simple ways. Drinking water. Taking slow breaths. Stretching. Crying. Sitting in sunlight. Even just placing a hand over your heart and saying to yourself, "This is hard, and I am still here."
Small acts of care matter more than they seem.
What Helps?
Giving yourself permission to feel what arises
Letting yourself rest when the feelings are too much
Having someone who can witness your pain without needing to fix it
Marking your loss with small rituals that feel meaningful
Speaking gently to the parts of you that are hurting
Remembering that healing does not mean forgetting
Moving Through, Not Getting Over
Grief does not end. It changes. It weaves itself into your story in a way that becomes part of who you are. The goal is not to “get over it,” but to find ways to live alongside it, with more ease, more softness, and eventually, more light. Healing may look like fewer breakdowns, longer stretches of steadiness, more capacity to talk about what happened. It may look like laughter returning in small doses, or like feeling more present in your own life. It will not always feel like progress, but that does not mean it is not happening.
If you are in the thick of grief, please know this: you do not have to carry it alone. Therapy can offer a space to name what feels too heavy, to hold the complexity of your loss, and to move forward at your own pace.
Your grief matters. And so do you.