Why Do I Keep Trying to Numb Out? The Psychology Behind Escapism

We all do it. Scroll through our phones until our eyes glaze over. Get lost in a show, a drink, a project, a fantasy. And afterward, we often feel a mix of guilt and confusion. Why can’t I just deal with things like everyone else seems to? But the truth is, escapism isn’t a sign of weakness or failure. It’s a sign that something inside you feels too much. Too overwhelming. Too vulnerable. Too unsafe. And rather than beating yourself up for checking out, it might be more helpful to ask: What am I trying to escape from?

The Psychology Behind Escapism

In mental health, escapism is often defined as the tendency to avoid unpleasant realities by engaging in distractions or fantasies. That might look like spending hours online, emotionally eating, numbing out with substances, or even staying overly busy so you don’t have to slow down and feel. While the surface behaviors vary, the core function is often the same: relief from emotional discomfort.

From a therapeutic lens, particularly one rooted in attachment and parts work, escapism isn’t just about avoidance. It’s about protection. A part of you has learned that certain feelings or experiences are too painful, too overwhelming, or too dangerous to face directly. And so it finds ways to pull you away from them.

This strategy may have developed early, in environments where your needs weren’t met with safety or attunement. Maybe no one showed you how to sit with grief, fear, anger, or loneliness. Maybe you were punished or rejected for expressing vulnerability. In those moments, escape became a kind of genius adaptation. It’s your nervous system’s way of helping you survive.

The Cost of Constant Escape

There’s nothing inherently wrong with needing a break. We all do. But when escapism becomes the only way your system knows how to cope, it can start to come at a cost.

Over time, chronic escape can leave you feeling more disconnected from yourself - your body, your emotions, your needs. You might start to lose touch with what you actually want or how you truly feel. Your inner world becomes less accessible, and your capacity for presence, both with yourself and with others, starts to shrink.

What’s more, escapism often loops into shame. You escape to avoid pain, but then feel guilty for having escaped, which adds another layer of distress. That guilt can keep you locked in a cycle of avoidance and self-criticism, making it even harder to approach yourself with care.

A Compassionate Reframe

What if, instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?” you asked, “What is this part of me trying to protect me from?”

In parts work, we understand that the impulse to escape is often driven by a protective part, one that’s trying to shield you from something that once felt intolerable. This part may believe that feeling your emotions will lead to chaos, rejection, or harm. And if that was once true for you, it makes perfect sense that a part of you still operates from that belief.

The goal isn’t to shame that part or force it to change. It’s to meet it with compassion and curiosity. You can begin by gently noticing when the urge to escape arises and asking, What’s feeling too big right now? What emotion, memory, or need am I avoiding?

You might not get a clear answer right away, and that’s okay. Sometimes just acknowledging the urge and slowing down is the beginning of change.

Coming Back to Yourself

Reconnection doesn’t require grand gestures. It often begins with small moments of presence - placing a hand on your chest, taking a deep breath, journaling for five minutes, or simply naming what you’re feeling. These practices help you begin to reestablish trust with yourself.

You’re not trying to eliminate the impulse to escape. You’re learning to relate to it differently. Over time, as your nervous system feels safer, you may find you don’t need to escape as often. And when you do, you’ll do so with more awareness, less shame, and more choice.

Therapy can be a powerful space for this kind of exploration. Together, we can trace the origins of your patterns, make sense of the protective roles they play, and build new ways of responding. Helping you to find ways that honor your history while creating room for healing and change.

Final Thoughts

Escapism isn’t the problem. Disconnection is. And disconnection often began as a solution - a way to survive what once felt impossible to bear. When you begin to approach your coping strategies with compassion instead of critique, everything starts to shift.

Because underneath your urge to escape is a story. A part. A need. And when you slow down long enough to listen, you might just find your way back to yourself.